i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
