girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
