hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
