she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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