Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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