my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
