So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
