dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
