: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
