does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
