either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
