I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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