Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
