When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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