After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
