tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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