Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
birth control should be required to get into college
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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