remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just found puke in my bra..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
