remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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