You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
