we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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