is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
