My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My feet surprised me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
