I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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