What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize