Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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