I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
