Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We are two peas in an std pod
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
