I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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