My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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