i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My breasts were aching with rage.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
