If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
