Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
