I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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