So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize