so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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