I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
