I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize