He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
