1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we're so committed to being not committed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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