We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
