Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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