i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
