hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
