Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
