I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
