FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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