oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
