making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
