Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
