he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize