The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
