Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
