i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
