I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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