You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
