oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
