You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
