i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
