That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
