I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
