would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize