and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
