she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize