Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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