Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize