Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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