We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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