So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize