apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
