who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
