My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
