Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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