Are we in a gay sports bar?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
