I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
