know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
