You made me cry and you don't even care
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
