it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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