I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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