im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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