I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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