found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
