Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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