I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
