i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
