so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
my liver is dry heaving
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize