Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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