drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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