Your face is a jimmy john
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
