EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
