I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
