My cat gives me a boner
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize