sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
