so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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