On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
