I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize