we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize