Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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