well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
