Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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