I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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