at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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