If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
