First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
