I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
