soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
