You can't motorboat a personality
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
