Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
