dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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