Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
